Do parents have the obligation to choose spouses for their children?

Depends on Cultural, Social and Individual Factors

Historical perspectives, throughout history, arranged marriages have been common in many cultures and societies. They were often seen as a way to maintain social order, preserve family wealth and strengthen alliances between families or communities. In such cases, parents would take the responsibility of selecting suitable partners for their children base on various considerations like cultural and religious factors. The practice of arranged marriages can be influence by cultural and religious beliefs. For example in some South Asian, Middle East and African cultures, arranged marriages were common. They belief that parents have a better understanding of what makes a good partner. Shift towards individual autonomy, in many modern societies, there has been significant and personal choice in matters of marriage. This legal framework reinforces the idea that parents don’t have an obligation to choose spouses for their children.

Parents often play a role in guiding their children decisions providing support and offering advice and values. However, the final decision rest with the individuals involved. Also it’s important to recognize that there is a wide range of perspectives and practices when it comes to parental involvement in the selection of spouses. The level of parental influence can vary greatly depending on cultural social and individual factors.

Ndime Emmaculate Sirri, Entrepreneur, Bangem.

Varies with Cultures

and Societies

The obligation of parents to choose spouses for their children varies greatly across cultures and societies. In many traditional and conservative societies, parents have historically played a significant role in arranging marriages for their children. These arranged marriages were often based on factors such as social status, financial considerations, and family alliances rather than the personal preferences of the individuals involved. However, in many modern societies, individual autonomy and the right to choose one’s own partner has become highly valued. The idea of arranged marriages has become less prevalent, and the emphasis has shifted towards personal choice and compatibility between partners. In these societies, parents typically do not have an obligation to choose spouses for their children, and individuals are encouraged to make their own decisions regarding marriage. It’s important to note that cultural norms and values can vary significantly, and there are still communities where arranged marriages are practiced. In such cases, parents may feel a sense of obligation to choose spouses for their children based on cultural or religious beliefs. Ultimately, whether parents have an obligation to choose spouses for their children depends on the specific cultural, social, and personal contexts in which they find themselves.

MBOME NDIME, Students University of Buea

Responsibility of Parents

Seriously this aspect has been a very striking issue in our world recently. This is actually what our parents did for us and for me as a parent it is indispensable. The reason is because most parents have easy access and knowledge of the characters of the different families better than their children. I must say marriage is not built on the bases of love and affection rather it is an issue of character. Most parents have watched their children grow and they actually can tell the various characters of their children coupled with the fact that they are already aware of the characters of those around them. Parents understand the nuclear families of the male and female more than their children. So it is actually their responsibility.

       Mukong Mapeh Jacob, Farmer, Bangem

Responsibility of Parents and Children

It is said that marriages are made in heaven. We need proper choices in order to make it successful. Parents play a vital role in our lives especially when it comes to taking big decisions like marriage. Marriage is not only the union between male and female but also between the two families. Therefore parents should be the ones who make marriage choices for their children because they are the best guide for their children. They have worldly experience and awareness and they have deep concern for their children. Usually, after a certain age, children try to behave independently and want the freedom to think and make their own decisions whether correct or wrong. In the aspect of choosing one’s life partner or taking the decision of marriage, they may go wrong. As such they need the help of their parents. This is true with some religious practices like the Islamic religion.

Before and in the early 21st century, parents played a vital role in choosing spouses for their children. This is because the ancient customs and traditions were still very much alive in most societies. But as a result of education that has widened the thoughts of almost all societies, the influence of parents in choosing a spouse for their child has reduced drastically and only limited to those stipulated by their religion like Islam. Marriage is a union between a male and a female without externalities. As such, children should be able to make marriage decisions with respect to those with whom they are compatible, prefer and those who share the same vision as them, tolerate and even endure. Parents may come in to guide their children by chipping them with little advice to orientate them in the process.

 Ndode Cyril Epie, Senior Discipline Master BLIB

Children Should Choose their Spouses

I stand for the fact that parents should not choose spouses for their children. This is because marriage is a thing of love so two hearts must beat or feel for each other before they can think of marriage. This is because some girls show parents good attitude when they are not yet married to their child but when they get in, the attitude changes and complaints start coming in like, my parents brought you here I did not even love you. So, children should choose their spouses themselves so that in case of marital problems one person will not say you were brought here by my parents, I don’t even love you, you can park and go. But if children choose for themselves and such problems come up, they can easily arrange their problems because they took a decision themselves to become one.

Bertila Dione, Head Teacher, Brain Ladder Institute Bangem 

Compiled by Glovise Forsoh